How to Escape an Unhappy Marriage

2020.12.08.

If you find yourself staring sadly into your cornflakes at breakfast time, with a horrible feeling of dread as you hear your partner coming down the stairs, then help is at hand. And though you might be unhappy with your present situation, there are other ways than divorce to end this intolerable marriage. It's called murder! OK...just kidding. The problem with being legally tied to someone you can no longer stand the sight or sound of will color every aspect of your life and suck all the joy out of things previously enjoyed.  

Why Are You Unhappy?

Thanks to our wonderful memories we are certain that things used to be different and better. But now every other waking minute is spent thinking about how on earth you can escape from this untenable position. But before dive into any practical escape plans, you might just want to look and understand exactly why you're so unhappy. In other words, the real cause of your sad marriage. You see, the secret to escaping  your unhappy marriage is to recognize exactly why you're unhappy. The longer that you are able to reflect on the core of the malady, then with greater clarity will you see your next steps. It'll give you that little extra push of confidence that'll allow you to move forward without any regret. 

Reasons For A Divorce

If you think that divorce will cure your ills then you need to take the red pill. Getting a divorce isn't easy and for many people it's one of the most stressful times of their entire lives. if you have any kids, then you'll need to consider the repercussions for them. If you're thinking of taking this route, then really think it through. There are probably only three scenarios where a divorce is a must. One is if your partner is an addict and refuses to seek help. Your spouse is abusing the kids. And finally if the two of you are providing nothing but an abysmal example for your children of what marriage is all about. 

Reasons Against A Divorce

Now if you are not suffering from one of the above three factors, then we suggest that you reconsider any ideas about a divorce. It should no longer be your first port of call so to speak. The reason is that if the above points are not to blame, then something else  is going on in your life and it's spilling over into your marriage. There are so many stresses involved in modern life. Work, parents, in-laws, kids or any life events can all be exerting downward pressure. So though it's very easy to jump to the conclusion that your spouse is at fault, simply because you don't feel any support from them, the root cause can often lie elsewhere. 

We Can Work it out

It's probably a good idea to make a list of all the things that you feel are bugging you in the life. Decide what exactly are the root causes of the extreme pressure and frustration that cloud your well-being. If any of these sources come from outside of your spousal relationship, then identify their causes and look to finding a solution to them. As you rid yourself of these emotional parasites, you'll start to feel more energized as nothing is sucking the energy away your core. Use this new found lightness to discuss with your spouse the reasons and factors that might of led you into believing that they were the cause of your unhappiness and discontentment. Now, if the two of you can work together to resolve those external issues and ensure that they are kept under control, then you've escaped an unhappy marriage.

Be The Best Version Of Yourself

But let's say that you're sure that it's your spouse who's making you unhappy. In many cases, issues that are left unresolved, fester and grow into a lack of respect. The thing is that no one can improve if you don't communicate your needs and wants. Maybe you feel that it's just not worth the effort anymore. You're tired of all the drama and just want to find a way out. On the other hand, have you actually considered that you might be adding to the marriage woes with your inability to communicate. Here's the rub. You can only say that the relationship is failing provided you've given yourself the best opportunity at being the best spouse possible. Only if you've put the best version of you forwards, and that hasn't worked, only then are you then in the position to say, you gave it your best shot. And being the best spouse doesn't mean just going through the motions. It means being the best person you can be. That's the person you used to be when your spouse fell in love with you.

Inject Some Kindness And Empathy

Bringing the best version of yourself back to a failing relationship is a positive for two reasons. The first is that you'll start to feel better about who you really are. No one likes to see themselves becoming petty, selfish and unkind. It's bad for the ego. Secondly, you might be surprised as to how your spouse will react to the new you. Through level headed communication, maybe they will reciprocate with their own best version of themselves. We're not looking at the two of you becoming weirdly bland robots. Just an injection of kindness and empathy. From working hard on you both being the best versions of yourselves, will grow the habits of better behavior towards each other. Keep it up until this new mode of being becomes the default setting for you both. And once again, you've escaped from an unhappy marriage.

You Tried Your Best

So what if you've done everything possible and yet things still are not working out between you both. And if you're still feeling a wretched resentment and deep sadness. The fact that you did everything possible to improve yourself means that you can be happier about whatever come next. In this respect all that effort was worth it. By giving your all or recognizing that you don't want to do so, you'll gain knowledge about yourself and you limits. Once you and your spouse have exhausted all these processes, then maybe the truth of the matter is that divorce is the best option.

Escape To A Better Future 

One of the benefits of having done your very best to turn things around is that the respect and compassion gained about each other, will help pave the way to a divorce whereby being civil and kind will be that much easier. Not that the whole process will be easy, but that your attitude towards the reasons and motivations for the divorce will be easier to understand. Keep in mind, that you'll still need to be having a close relationship afterwards, in particular if there are kids involved. Escaping an unhappy marriage isn't an easy thing to do. But if you both make the effort to be the very best versions of each other, then the whole process can be one built on respect and mutual understanding. Always remember that the reason behind escaping an unhappy marriage is too find happiness. To that end, you really don't want to carry anything negative over into your marriage free life. Be kind, thoughtful and always strive to be the best version of yourself. The rest will follow.

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